PHASE 3
Eh wait a menet.. Eh aku ni selfish ker, childish ker as in tak matang ker? Aku tak dengar pendapat orang ker? Aku pikir aku jer yang btol yg lelain sumer salah ker? Aku tak pernah dengar ckp dia ker dan betah apa dia ckp ker? Aku ckp tak guna otak ker? Eh.. Kalau macam tuh WHY THE HELL HE FELL IN LOVE WITH ME IN THE FIRST PLACE?? Ntah.. I don have the answer. Aku ada tanya.. dia cuma ckp -Lin kata lin open minded, tapi sebenarnyer tak- then off he went again listing out how bad I am. He never really give me a chance to defend myself.
I have asked around whether his claims are true?
These are the response and I don lie.

1. I am selfish and childish
Pple said I am mature, I don act like a child. I never merengek nak itu ini like other girlfrens I see, I never asked him too much to do this and that. I said Ok if he couldn’t do this and that. I never asked for his money except for the phone bill. As I said I understand he never have much money. Everything needs money nowadays, do I care? No, I still loved him eventho he doesn’t have the money or education since I had hopes for him. I knew he can make it. I had the faith for him. Still I am selfish and childish.

2. I don’t listen to others.
I donno how he gets the idea. Many do not agree.

3. I am always rite and the others are wrong
Do i? I asked around. They said, I listen to others but I stand firmly on my
believed. Is not fair to say “Lin ajer sorang betol, org lain salah” Well, I am a girl
who have brain and my own thoughts. Aku bahas apa yang perlu dibahas tapi
pple said that I have so much firm in me. My firmness should be release a lil bit. I
take the idea as a membina idea. Jangan garang sangat lin..

4. When I talk, I go meleweh, don talk straight to the point.
Hehehe.. This is why u dumping me? Masa ko nak ngurat aku, bley plak aku meleweh.. Hhahahah Well as an educated person, I have to elaborate my points. Dlm peksa kalu ko kasik 1 direct answer, would the teacher would give u banyak markah. Na ah laa .. I don’t think so laa.. Hahhaah… Maybe if u pass your SPM, you would know laa kut… Meleweh kerana nak bagi pihak yg lagi satu paham apa aku katakan. Lame reason. I cannot accept that. My friends didn’t have any problem of my meleweh-ness pon..

5. I never listen to him and always have to betah apa dia ckp.
Pls refer to number 3.

6. I talk without thinking.
I think what he meant was, I talk based on my emotional. Of coz, I am a girl. Girl always do that when in the influenced of anger or sad emotions. I am just a plain human being. Mengikut org Islam, pompuan hanya ada 1 akal and the rest are nafsu. Sometimes even I am not under the influenced of my emotions, he would just have complained anyway.. It’s just that what ever I said is never up to his standard or level or way of his thinking. Whatever la ayg..


Well all the explanations I gave above don’t do any good. He said he forgive me but he continued not to pick up my calls or return my sms. Then it was time for me to loose it. I just couldn’t take anymore. How dare he treat me like fucking trash. I’ve done everything to save this r’ship but he just couldn’t be bothered.. Then now I started to send him abusive msges. I reckon that triggered him to call me. He started to accuse me those things I mentioned above all over again. Again I explained.. No it didn’t do any good. I asked him what is now? He said -Khalid pikir pasal perasaan lin kalau Khalid pergi- Eh fuck.. Bukan ko dah pergi dari aku? Tadek pon ko nak pikir pasal aku yg tgh peksa itu hari, tadek pon ko nak pikir pasal aku yg siang malam bazir air mata.. Oh please laa weihh… Then again I couldn’t say it out loud. I asked him.. -Ayang janji nak kawen ngan lin..- and I didn’t expect him to say.. -Eh, Khalid janji ker? Khalid ckap jer- I swallowed the air in my lungs. Probably what he said he loved me back then was just talk. He didn’t mean anything by it. And again.. being stupid I asked for another chance to correct my mistakes. I love him and the r’ship. He didn’t make remarks.
I called him after the last phone call again n again n again n again but he wouldn’t pick up the phone. I still had the hopes for the love and r’ship. I have sent sms stated that I wanted to talk about my future in JB as in term workin in JB and gonna call him at specific time. Nope, he just couldn’t be bothered. He didn’t answer the call. From tat moment on, I have knocked to my senses, he does not want to do anything with me anymore. I shuld have quit ages ago. So I quit.

If u read this Khalid, I know I never have been the best-est GF in the universe. I sometimes got mad over nothing. Maybe it was time for my PMS to take control over my brain. I am sorry. I should have control the PMS. Sometimes when ayg nasihatkan lin, lin just wouldn’t listen. Mungkin kerna approach Khalid tuh agak salah. Bila Khalid approach lin secara baik, lin dgr kan? I am sorry I cannot be a person that you wanted me to be. I am just lin. This is me.


The conclusion of PHASE 3 : I think I am okay as a person. It just that sometimes I need to control my anger, jangan cepat melenting. Take criticisms as a challenge. Sabar itu adalah sifat yang disenangi Allah s.w.t. I cannot be a perfect person to you Syed Khalid, mungkin ada lelaki out there would consider as I am next-to-perfect person. Probabily ada lelaki out there yg boleh appreciate lin. You have got punk again, Lin.. but chin up, dunia belum berakhir bila ko putuskan aku, masih banyak teman teman ku disini menemaniku, dunia belum berakhir bila ko putuskan aku, wajahku juga ngak jelik jelik amat, ada yang mahu.. kupikir kupikir, kupikir kupikir lebih baik aku menyingkir, kupikir kupikir, kupikir kupikir lelahhh… Yeahhaaa !!

End of PHASE 3